PAM'S POLL
by: Pam Halpert
Lists: do they help organize, or cause trouble?
100% said cause trouble
0% said help organize
CELEB 411
by: Kelly Kapoor
Andy's "Nard-Dog" tattoo got me thinking about all the disturbing celebrity tats we've been subjected to over the years. Let's review some of these body art blunders. Huge mistake #1: Johnny Depp's "Winona Forever" on his bicep. Forever?? More like 4 years. Then he changed it to "Wino Forever." Um, no thanks. On that same note, let's recall Angelina's Billy Bob dragon. She had to undergo painful laser treatment to get rid of that disaster.
Other tragedies that come to mind include Reggie Miller's bellybutton decoration, Pam Anderson's gross barbed wire, Kate Goslin's dorky Pooh Bear, Jamie Foxx's everything, Hayden Panettiere's misspelled Italian tattoo... The list goes on like you wouldn't believe. It's fine if you're a nobody and you want to get a random tat that your roller derby girlfriend will enjoy. But if you're famous, you have to remember that everyone is going to have to look at it. Your dad, your agents, your fans, Obama... EVERYONE. And if it's bad, you're just inviting Joan Rivers to bust your balls. Think before you ink, people!!
MESSAGE FROM YOUR NEW BOSS!!!!
by: Andy Bernard
Words cannot describe the emotions I'm feeling right now, but if I had to put it into SMS form it would be something like: >:D :-O ^^ :-X ("big grin," "amazement," "blissful" and "a bowtie"- just for fun). It is a joy and an honor to be the new Regional Manager of this branch and in charge of all of you delightful, beautiful human beings.
I will do m'best to make this place your calming home away from home; a safe house made of love and paper. I'd like to draw upon a song called "Smooth" by Mexican rock guitarist Señor Carlos Santana and Mr. Rob Thomas: "And if you say this life ain't good enough, I would give my world to lift you up, I could change my life to better suit your mood, cause you're so smooth." Think about that, and then times it by a 100-million, and you'll start to understand my devotion and commitment to keeping you folks happy, and making Dunder Mifflin Sabre Scranton the A1 Steak sauce of local paper supply. Buckle up and get ready for a wild ride!
Love ya like a brother,
Andy Bernard
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ROBERT CALIFORNIA
No Introductions Needed
This is not an introductory message. Introductory messages are for chain store emails and online dating. They are not appropriate for new CEOs to be sending out to their employees. That kind of initiatory communication is reckless. It leads people to believe they're in a period of rebirth. That the slate has been wiped clean, and they can relax because their former slip-ups are now buried deep in the sand under layers of rock particle. But trust me, I am on that sandy beach with a top-notch metal detector, and the volume is turned up to the maximum level. I'm also sporting limited edition Ray-Bans and the most expensive pair of walking shoes J. Peterman has to offer. So do not waste time trying to hide anything. Do not consider this a fresh start. And do not ever wear the color goldenrod. I find it loathsome. That is all.
A FAREWELL
by: Creed Bratton
It's been many long, wonderful years with a group of great cohorts, but the day has finally come. After several days of careful consideration, I've decided I just can't keep up any longer. I'm leaving Myspace. I want to thank Tom for always being so welcoming and remaining by my side when others deleted me. And I'd like to wish all the remaining members and trendsetters the best of luck. I realize I'll be leaving a lot behind, which is very tough. I will however be taking my Myspace 2.0 layout with me. Peace!
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